i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
