dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
