some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
