I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
