It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
