the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
