I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
