we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
