im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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