why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
