1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
