Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
