walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
