I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
