I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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