my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
