Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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