So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
