No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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