We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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