You're completely useless in the revolution.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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