What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize