with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
