im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
