he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
