I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
