omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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