I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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