Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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