he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
