I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im holly from the hills drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
