Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
