people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
