I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
