you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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