im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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