It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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