lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize