3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
