So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
