we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
