And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
