You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
