Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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