I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
