12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
