Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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