no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
