I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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