I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
