all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
