thus making me awesome and them whores
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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