There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
