You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
