U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
