How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize