i think i have two assholes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
