i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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