Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
