So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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