All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
