i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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