We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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