What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
