I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
