his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize