He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
