I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
