how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
