there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
