I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
