I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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